I love you
by starlightsweetheart
Summary: angst. logan/kendall/james 3


I Love You

Okay so I do not own Big Time Rush or my boys sadly all rights belong to Nickelodeon and whoever else created BTR. Also Slash if you don't like then please don't read. I love these pairings together and also I love angst. So this is my first Fan Fic. Please Review it would mean the world to me!:)

You don't remember how or when you fall for him, but you did, and hard. You couldn't admit your feelings and risk losing him he was your anchor. He was the only thing that kept your feet on the ground when you felt like you were going to fly away. You feel like the whole world is on your case and all you seek is for comfort but are slapped with the cold hand of judgment. No you couldn't lose your anchor and comfort. It tore you apart seeing them together, knowing the way he touched him, held him the way he loved him. Your heart shattered at the thought of him loving her because he was supposed to love you never him. You were his everything anytime he needed you. When the darkness preyed upon him and threatened to pull him into the abyss of depression you pulled him out into the light. He sobbed into your chest letting every wall he ever built crumble beneath him. For once he took off his disguise, and showed you his vulnerability. Tears stain your face as you remember that moment. Grief strikes your body with a force to great to fight; you miss his love more than anything. You miss when with just one word from those perfect lips every worry you had subsided. His oceans of pure adulterated lust sending chills through you. A sinister smirk that makes me yearns for him. Hot ecstasy touches your lips. Rough calloused hands hold you close. Peppermint fills your nostrils. You're back pressed against a wall. So the game begins. Skin to skin, body to body soul defying. All the mask and disguises shattered. Predatory and on the attack ravishing supple skin, and nibbling on your ear going lower kissing down your neck. He sucks the sensitive skin making it bruised. Kissing his lips, they were chapped and tasted like cherries and highly addicting. You lick his bottom lip begging for entry he complies, tongues massaging each other, exploring each other's mouths. The taste of his tongue is nectarous. All you can to yourself be this feels right, for once. He bites your bottom lip slight pain at first but the feeling feels amazing. He bites hard tasting blood, you moan quietly. His hand touches your body, and oh the rush of his skin. The excoriating animalism that consumed him drove you wild. The hunger in those bottle green eyes of his, made it all the better. His hands caressing each delicate area of your body. Erotic displays on your body. Taking your sweet time trailing kisses down your body. Your eyes scanning mine as if begging to have you, you compile. Each touch becomes amorous then the last. It's rough, raw and a power struggle a fight for dominance over the other to have their complete submission. It's smoldering and sweaty in your shared room. You're both exhausted and ragged as you lay in his bed. He holds you close almost protectively a lazy grin on his face. He never said anything after he made love to you. He filled your void with bittersweet, violent, addicting perfect memories. It was exhilarating at first being his dirty little secret, and it turned you both on to have the thrill of maybe getting caught in the heat of the moment. You though you won when he came back in your bed and was intimate with you and not him. He would whisper sweet nothings in your ear and you melted. You surrendered to him, absolutely, and completely. You were his, and always would be. You still could taste the salt on his hand as you laced kisses all over him. After he was finished and laid there with you in his arms he fell asleep. You got close to him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, and I don't want to be this anymore" you whispered to him. He did not make a sound. You couldn't tell him when he was awake but at least you said it out loud. You wanted to just be his and him to be yours. You desired the simple things that you two never did. Holding hands, a chaste kiss, snuggling on the couch, the pet names, but most importantly the three words you would die to hear "I love you". You fell asleep fantasizing about the day when all those things would happen you wake alone, and cold. You cry he always goes back to him. Damn that pretty boy, he was not wanted his baby needed by a long shot. Could he not see through those hazel beauties that Kendall was never his, but yours, Logan's. He touched, he kissed you, and you gave him a precious gift. He took your virginity. You both climaxed at the same time to your recollection it was beautiful. It was deep, and highly intimate. He was gentle at first but that hunger was not fed until he was rough and you had to admit you loved it. Sex was great, but left you feeling hallow each time, because the only thing that made it worthwhile for you was that it made him happy, and you could savor each moment with him. Each time though he would make you feel so good, and for a moment like he actually loved you. A few times you heard him moan James's name while you two were intimate but only a few and after a while he began to say your name. One night after you had finished without even knowing it you both whispered I love you. The difference you meant it with every fiber of your being, but he never did. He always would want James. He would always choose James. So you would let them be happy because you were selfless and loved your two best friends dearly. You would allow him to sneak into your room at night and just hold you. You would because you were his play thing, and he used you over, and over again. He would fill your head with lies and break your heart but you were powerless to him, and you fell even harder with each passing day. Someday you promised yourself he will be mine. Someday Kendall Knight you will be mine you thought. So again you kissed his cheek and whispered the three words that meant the world to you but nothing to him. "I love you"


End file.
